Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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