A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
