he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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