i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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