So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
