when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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