i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
