i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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