She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
