Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Never joke about your clitoris.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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