i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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