you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
