marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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