Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
