I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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