I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
