you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
