I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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