so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
