I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
