I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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