the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he shaved USA in his pubs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
