i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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