I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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