Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
