she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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