Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize