ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
