You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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