After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
