put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
