Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
