Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
