Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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