Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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