guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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