I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
