i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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