So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
