Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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