I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
