Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
