omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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