i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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