Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
