if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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