Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
