I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
