As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
