Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
