she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
