We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
