Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
