You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
