You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
