Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
