if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize