I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
