My Higher Power is John Stamos
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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