opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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