I just made out with a guy for $7.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
