One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
