If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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