they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
