We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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